I couldn’t wait any longer…
It must be done now…
NFL PREVIEW 2009/10
AFC EAST
1. New England Patriots
The Patriots took a hit in their first regular season game last year as Tom Brady went down with a season ending knee injury in the first quarter of their game vs. the Chiefs. Now I cannot predict injuries but I can predict that the Patriots again will be in the playoffs and will be Super Bowl contenders. I know I’m going out on a limb here but it’s just a hunch that I have…
2. New York Jets
The Jets traded up to select my new man crush in the NFL, Mark Sanchez, and look to retool their defense with new head coach Rex Ryan at the helm. Ryan was the Defensive Coordinator for the Ravens for that last few years and I think the Ravens are usually good on D. Also Ryan brought some Ravens with him to the Jets, most notably linebacker Bart Scott. I once had a personalized #10 Jets jersey that had my last name on the back. They then drafted Chad Pennington and he took my number. What a bastard.
3. Miami Dolphins
The phins surprised many last year in winning the AFC East a year removed from going 1-15 (there is hope Lions fans) and it was also the phins that took the league by storm with the new “Wildcat” offense that everyone in the NFL is now trying to use (which will eventually water down the formation so much that it will be as bland as the shotgun. I don’t get it, yeah it is a good formation for some teams and it can be useful but the reason that the Dolphins were so successful with it last year is because they had two good backs to run it and no one in the NFL was prepared for it. This year they will be. My bold prediction is that the “Wildcat” will be used by 80% of the teams to start the year and that number will dwindle to 10%...or 3 teams)
4. Buffalo Bills
Someone has to finish in last place in this division. And that someone is T.O. and the Buffalo Bills. If you haven’t been up to date with pop culture T.O. has his own “reality” show. I’m not really sure what to think of it. First, it’s on VH1 so that should tell you all you need to know about the reality part. Second, it’s a “look” into T.O.’s daily life. So basically he is a socially awkward guy that can’t act and has super models waiting for him at his LA pad. Pretty realistic… Good luck Trent Edwards.
AFC NORTH
1. Pittsburgh Steelers
The Steelers look primed to repeat as North Division Champs after winning the Super Bowl last year. Returning are Rashard Mendenhall and his healthy shoulder (provided that Ray Ray doesn’t break it again this year) and leaving are Gary Russell (thanks for going to class) and wide receiver Nate Washington. Big Ben beat rape charges and now he looks to beat the rest of the NFL…again…for the 3rd time…
2. Baltimore Ravens
The Ravens are back looking to contend for the North title. They are minus a D Coordinator and a big time linebacker but still have Ray Ray, Terrell Suggs (perhaps the only Twins fan in Maryland) and Ed Reed patrolling the secondary. Their offense should be improved slightly with Flacco having another year under his belt and Ray Rice looking to get the starting nod. Now if Ray Ray can hold back on the murdering this year, the Ravens should be fine.
3. Cincinnati Bengals
It is year one for the official Chad Ocho Cinco regime as the will finally get his wish and have Ocho Cinco on the back of his jersey and hopefully lots of cash in his pocket after jersey sales (my prediction is he will be #2 behind a certain QB for the Vikings). Carson Palmer is also healthy so Chad should be back to normal. Hopefully he kicks some more extra points this year to boost his fantasy value.
4. Cleveland Browns
It’s rebuilding time for the Browns, again. Two years removed from a 10 win season the Browns only won 4 games last year and it doesn’t look good again this year. Traded away is Tight End Kellen Winslow and the Browns still have both Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson on roster leaving new head coach Eric Mangini to make the choice that Chromeo couldn’t make. My money is on Quinn because he is cuter.
AFC SOUTH
1. Indianapolis Colts
Peyton Manning and the Colts took a backseat to the Titans a year ago but this year will be different. Tony Dungy may be gone but the Colts went in house to find his replacement in Jim Caldwell and Tom Moore is still around to keep Peyton company. Also gone is potential Hall of Fame wide out (and suspected gang banger) Marvin Harrison but again the Colts go in house to replace him with Anthony Gonzalez. Peyton needs a new commercial to come out…
2. Tennessee Titans
Kerry Collins led a resurgent Titans team to a impressive 13-3 record last year before falling to the Ravens in the post season. VY has declared himself to be a Hall of Fame quarterback this off season to which I say, “Don’t you have to be a starter first?” Regardless, the Titans will again rely heavily on the run this year with Chris Johnson and LenDale White (sans tequila) leading the way. The Titans need to replace Albert Haynesworth on the D line and overall need to get better on D to compete for a title. Sam, if I see you at a game this year I will call you. Sound good?
3. Jacksonville Jaguars
2008 was a forgetful year for the Jags as they went from playoff/division contender to cellar dweller. Jack Del Rio looks to change things this year and it started with giving the reigns of the team over to Maurice Jones-Drew after MJ-D split time with Fred Taylor in the previous years. David Garrard returns at QB and the defense is usually tenacious with Del Rio at the helm. The Jags still have to deal with the Colts and Titans so unless a few upsets happen, the Jags will be watching the playoffs at home again. Matt, if I see you at a game this year I will call you. Sound good? (that goes for you in Indy as well)
Houston had a .500 record last year for the 2nd straight year (the Texans have yet to record a winning record) and still have Andre Johnson who is one of the better wide receivers in the league. Also, if you were not aware of this, Mike Jones is also battling for a wide receiver spot on the team. Not that Mike Jones, but I hope he makes it so if he ever scored a TD, Scott Van Pelt will throw out a “MIKE JONES!”
AFC WEST
1. San Diego Chargers
San Diego wins this division because of two reasons…They are a good team and the rest of their division is terrible. I mean seriously…the Raiders, Chiefs and Broncos could win 10 games this year…combined. Also LT is still there and Darren Sproles is still little. Antonio Gates and Vince Jackson will help out new $92 million dollar man Phillip Rivers taunt other players and Shawn Merriman is back to turn his switch off and on.
2. Kansas City Chiefs
The Chiefs are under new rule with former Patriot big wig Scott Peoli taking over the team and Todd Haley (former AZ O Coordinator) coaching it. Peoli already took Matt Cassel and Mike Vrabel from the Pats and look to turn KC into a playoff contender again. It won’t happen this year. Sorry Scott and Todd.
3. Denver Broncos
The Broncos have had the most interesting off season thus far. First they fired Mike Shanahan and replaced him with baby-faced Josh McDaniels. Then McDaniels and then quarterback Jay Cutler got into a tiff because McDaniels wanted to acquire Cassel and eventually Cutler was traded to the Bears. Now, #1 wide receiver Brandon Marshall wants out as well. Always a good way to start your first head coaching job. Good luck with Kyle Orton…(p.s. go to the 1:50 mark)
4. Oakland Raiders
I have nothing really to say about the Raiders. Their Head Coach punches assistants and their owner is a crazy alien. That’s about it…
NFC EAST
1. Philadelphia Eagles
I’m a big fan of everything that the Eagles did in this off season. They probably had the best draft in drafting two offensive playmakers in LeSean McCoy and Jeremy Maclin to help Donovan McNabb and Brian Westbrook. Their defense took a hit when long time d coordinator and blitz master Jim Johnson passed after a long battle with cancer but there are a lot of vets on this team that are hungry after losing in the NFC Championship game last season. Oh, and they have this guy...
2. New York Giants
The Giants take a step back this year with no clear #1 wide receiver that Eli can rely on. Steve Smith is potentially going to have to step up and be that guy. But only its not this Steve Smith...its this Steve Smith. Eli’s new big contract goes to his head and he starts playing like Peyton. Which, if you haven’t heard, would be a good thing.
3. Dallas Cowboys
Its not that the Cowboys are a 3rd place team, it is just that the NFC East again proves to be the toughest division in football. T.O. is gone (see “The T.O. Show”) and Roy Williams takes his place as the #1 wide out. Felix Jones also returns after missing half of his rookie season last year with an injury. He is a make or break guy for the Cowboys this year. If Felix Jones can contribute at a high level this will be a dangerous team come January. That is, if Tony Romo can not take vacations a week before a playoff game.
4. Washington Redskins
The Redskins, what can be said about the Redskins...They signed Albert Haynesworth. Jim Zorn is their coach...Do they still have Santana Moss?
NFC CENTRAL
1. Minnesota Vikings
The Vikings look to repeat as division champs in Brad Childress’s fourth season with the club. If you haven’t heard, they have a new quarterback this season. He is kind of a big deal. They also have the best running back in the game and I beat Chase is Madden with the Vikes when he was with the Pack. Sorry Chase, but that IS how the season is going to play out.
2. Green Bay Packers
The Pack finish 2nd to Brett Favre and the Vikings because of said Madden result. Also the Pack are switching from a 4-3 defense to a 3-4 defense this year and hope first round draft pick B.J. Raji clogs up running lanes. Aaron Rodgers is starting his 2nd year of starting and looks to defend his shootout title in the process...
3. Chicago Bears
The Bears perhaps made the biggest splash of the off season (within the division) with the trade for quarterback Jay Cutler. The only thing that the Bears forgot was that a quarterback needs wide receivers to throw to. This could lead to multiple interceptions thrown by Cutler followed by a blamestorming session.
4. Detroit Lions
The Lions can’t go 0-16 again this year can they? Matthew Stafford was picked as the heir apparent and savior of the franchise but has looked rattled in the preseason (unlike this guy). The Lions have weapons and could easily win like 4 games this year.
NFC SOUTH
1. New Orleans Saints
This pick is squarely on the health of Reggie Bush. The Saints again have a solid running back that Bush can split time with (Pierre Thomas) and this also allows Bush to roam freely around in formations. With him also returning punts this year, Bush will be one of the more dangerous players in the NFC this year. Also Drew Brees still has that thing on this face. And when that thing is on his face, you know he is on his game.
2. Carolina Panthers
The Panthers are looking to not do what happened to them at the end of their preseason game vs the Giants this season and win a few games. They will again rely on their two headed monster at running back with DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart. Their only weakness could be their quarterback play with “Daylight come...and you got to Delhomme”. They should have signed Michael Vick...
3. Atlanta Falcons
Speaking of Michael Vick, his old team did just fine with out him last year making the playoffs behind Matt “Matty Ice” Ryan. Ryan was just what this franchised needed after the Vick thing happened and then new head coach Bobby Petrino quit on the team halfway through the next season. Bold prediction...Michael Turner breaks down late in the season. Too many carries last season. Call it the Jamal Anderson effect.
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Tampa is heading backwards as they are under new coach Raheem Morris after jet setting old coach Jon Gruden to Monday Night Football. Also they are looking for a new quarterback and have to decide between Byron Leftwich, one of the McCown brothers and first round pick Josh Freeman. Good luck with that Raheem.
NFC WEST
1. Seattle Seahawks
Seattle’s season last year was somewhat like the New York Mets season this year...anyone that was anyone got injured at some point in the year. New wide receiver TJ Whosyourmama will look to be the clear #1 guy for the first time in his career after splitting duties with Chad Ocho Cinco his entire life (played at Oregon State with Johnson/Ocho Cinco as well). He will probably have a big year but regret signing with Seattle and not Minnesota because he will be wet constantly with how much it rains there. Did he know that the Vikings play inside?
2. Arizona Cardinals
The Cardinals surprised everyone last season with making the playoffs and riding the wave all the way to the Super Bowl. How crazy is it that the Cardinals were a few plays away from being Super Bowl Champs? The Arizona Cardinals? Seriously. There is hope for all of mankind if the Cardinals can reach a Super Bowl.
3. San Francisco 49er’s
This is all you need to know...
4. St. Louis Rams
Torry Holt is gone. Steven Jackson probably will get hurt along with Marc Bulger. Probably will be another lost season for the Rams. But hey, there is always hope remember?
AFC PLAYOFFS
SEEDS
1. New England
2. Pittsburgh
3. Indianapolis
4. San Diego
5. Baltimore
6. Tennessee
WILD CARD ROUND
San Diego over Baltimore
LT and Co take out Baltimore because Phillip Rivers talked trash to Joe Flacco and got Flacco off of his game. This was over heard coming from the Chargers QB’s mouth “Shave the caterpillars on your forehead. Yeah baby!”
Indianapolis over Tennessee
Peyton Manning > Kerry Collins/Vince Young
Indianapolis > Tennessee
DIVISIONAL ROUND
New England over San Diego
The Hood comes up with a scheme to stop San Diego’s offense and Tom Brady throws deep to Randy Moss a bunch. It’s a Madden dream
Indianapolis over Pittsburgh
Peyton realizes that his window may be closing and defeats Pittsburgh by himself by recording 10 tackles and intercepting two Ben Roethlisberger passes while throwing for 315 yards and three scores. Yeah, he can do it all
CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND
New England over Indianapolis
Peyton Manning hates Tom Brady. Tom Brady does not care.
NFC PLAYOFFS
SEEDS
1. Philadelphia
2. Minnesota
3. New Orleans
4. Seattle
5. New York
6. Dallas
WILD CARD ROUND
Dallas over New Orleans
Tony Romo wins his first playoff game and Dallas finally forgets about Quincy Carter.
New York over Seattle
The Giants defensive line causes havoc all game long and Hasselbeck probably gets hurt because of it.
DIVISONAL ROUND
Dallas over Philadelphia
Dallas pulls the upset over the hated Eagles. Eagles fans blame Mike Vick for killing dogs three years ago.
Minnesota over New York
The Vikings have owned the Giants as of late and hopefully this continues in a playoff setting. Also T-Jack is not starting a playoff game. He is.
CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND
Minnesota over Dallas
Yeah baby. We’re going to Miami.
SUPERBOWL
Minnesota over New England
Super Bowl homeboy! The Vikes, led by grizzled gun-slinger Brett Favre defeat the Pats and win their first Super Bowl in team’s history. Suicide rates skyrocket in Wisconsin. No one is sure why.
